A Bigley Family Walk
It was a typical evening walk for the Bigley family.
Evening walks seem like they should be so relaxing. For our family, they seldom are as peaceful as we expect them to be. Tonight’s walk was no different. Just out of the car, Amber, the dogs, and I walked down a snowy trail into some woods and waited at the bottom of a hill for our son to catch up with his sled. Overly confident, I stood aloof while my son came tearing down the trail screaming, “Woooohhh!“
Amber yelled, “Alden, jump off the sled!”
Still aloof, my subconscious thoughts told me that mom had this one under control.WHAM!!! My shoulder slammed into the ground, then my hips, then my legs. That was when I began to realize what had happened.
Amber yelled, “Alden! Why were you sledding backwards?! You couldn’t even see where you were going!”
My shoulder ached and shot with pain.
Ah yes, another relaxing evening walk with the Bigley family.
Oh, We Are Definitely Tall Enough To Ride
On one of the first nice, sunny days of our short Alaska summer, Amber, the kids and I went to a go-kart racetrack. Being the extreme biker and skier that my five-year-old Alden is, I was sure this would be an instant hit. Truth be told, I was pretty psyched for Alden to drive me as his passenger. There aren’t many thrilling activities we can do together. For me, this was sweet since I think that having a blind dad who can’t catch a baseball or ride a bike must be pretty lame sometimes. This was an in. I built it up for weeks while we waited for the park to open for the season. It wasn’t until the morning of that day that the thought crossed my mind: Uh-oh, what if he isn’t tall enough to ride? It saddened me to imagine him crushed by the rejection.
The big day arrived, and so did the unfortunate moment of truth. He wasn’t tall enough. I turned to look at Amber. I couldn’t contain my mischievous grin.
“Well, I’m tall enough!”
She chuckled and rolled with it without hesitation. It felt as though we were pulling a fast one on the poor teenagers who were working what was likely their first jobs. I had no cane or dog to give it away. I was just a guy in dark glasses who didn’t seem to know where he was going. We waited for one of the teens to open the gate.
“I’ll go with Alden and you can go with Acacia,” I said toAmber.
The gate opened, and in we went. Alden, who was guiding me, stalled looking at all the cars.
“C’mon Alden. Just go to the first car and help me get in.”
More stalling. Amber came and quickly led me to a car, which I awkwardly got into. I realized another problem. There was no way Alden could reach the gas pedal or brakes.
Oooohhh. They actually have the height restriction for a reason, I thought. But it was too late, and I wasn’t going to let this or any other detail get in the way. Once Alden climbed in beside me in front of the steering wheel, I fumbled around with our seatbelts trying to figure them out and finally got them fastened.
“OK Alden, you tell me when that light turns green. I’ll work the pedals for gas and the brakes, and you are going to steer. If you want me to speed up or slow down, just say faster or slower. OK?”
“OK… It’s green, Dad.”
I tried going pretty slow, slow enough that others went zooming past us. Alden sat silently steering, providing me with no feedback.
“Do you want me to go faster or slower?” I asked as we snaked around the turns
“Slower!” he gasped as if he’d forgotten that was an option.
This repeated several times until we were going about as slow as possible without stopping altogether. After several minutes I felt him pull off the track into the start-line area.
“Alden, we can keep going. We can just keep going as many times as we want until the light turns red.”
“But DAD, we made it. We are already back.”
“I know, but we don’t have to stop. Don’t you want to keep going?”
“No, Dad! We already made it back.”
At this point I realized that he had been white-knuckling it the whole way, and was super stressed out. He’d pulled off the track at the first possible opportunity and was totally done — and terrified. He hesitantly did the best job he could parking with a blind man controlling the gas and brakes. As stiff as a board, he guided his blind father out of the track area. It wasn’t until we were on the other side of the fence that he loosened up a bit and was able to speak again. At that point, after the fear had subsided and the threat of doing it again had past, he said, “That was cool, Dad!” as if to say, “I’m glad you had fun, Dad. That was insane, and I never want to go driving with you again.”
Farewell Maya Bird
The vet came to our house Monday night at around 8:30 when it was clear things weren’t good. As they gave her the shot, her head became heavy in my hand as she passed. I put my face against hers and sobbed as I gave her the final kisses. I felt her soulful presence run cold as she passed. Her spirit that lived inside of me also passed, and it left me feeling void of self. For the last 14 years, I have lived with a part of her inside of me. My part of our bond. When she left us, for the first time in 14 years, I felt what it is like to be without her, and I realized how much a part of me she had become. What a hole inside of me.
I’ve heard it said that a man’s dog often takes on characteristics and personality traits of its human counter part. Many, including myself had seen that in Maya. Now I know with certainty that I also became like my dog, and took on part of her personality as my own. Maya was the greatest teacher and friend I’ve ever had. In my relationship with her, was my greatest joy, and my greatest knowing of what is sacred. Thank you Maya. I will always remember you, and love you.
Rising Leader Alumni of Distinction Award
The other day I received an unlikely call to my cell phone at work. I assumed it was my wife. When the man introduced himself as calling on behalf of the UAA Alumni Association, I wondered how he had obtained my cell number, and I was sure he was going to ask for money. I was beside myself when he went on to ask me if I would be willing to attend the homecoming gala and receive the Rising Leader Alumni of Distinction Award. My wife and I will be attending the black tie event on October 1 to receive the award. The following information was excerpted from a press release about the event and award.
University of Alaska Anchorage(UAA) Alumni Association announces 2011 Alumni of Distinction award recipients Eric Wohlforth, Joan Fisher and Dan Bigley to be honored at Green & Gold Gala
ANCHORAGE, AK – The UAA Alumni Association will honor three outstanding Alumni of Distinction at its upcoming Green and Gold Gala in Anchorage Saturday, Oct. 1, 2011 at the Hotel Captain Cook. The Green and Gold Gala will bring together alumni, friends and the community in support of UAA.The elegant ‘black tie’ event will help kick off Homecoming Week at UAA and will celebrate achievements of alumni, showcase University success and raise important UAA scholarship support.
UAA Alumni Emerging Leader Award: Dan Bigley, M.S.W. ’09, Director of Therapeutic Foster Care Services, Denali Family Services
Awarded to an alumnus who has made a significant impact in their industry or profession or contributed to the community and has strived to make a difference in the lives of others. The nominee must have received their degree within the past 10 years.
A grizzly bear mauled Dan Bigley in the summer of 2003 on the shores of Alaska’s Russian River and left him for dead. The odds were against him, but Dan survived, and after many surgeries and rehabilitative efforts he was able to pick up where he left off several years ago. With the support of UAA’s Disability Support Services, Dan earned his M.S.W. in ’09 from UAA with a 4.0 GPA. He now works with youth and families facing trauma, sexual abuse, substance abuse, behavioral disorders or mental illnesses. Dan is currently writing a book about the bear that nearly killed him and left him blind. Read Dan’s full story at greenandgold.uaa.alaska.edu under “I am UAA.”
Read more on the UAA website UAA Alumni Association announces 2011 Alumni of Distinction award recipients
